Category Archives: Marriage

The War on Sex

I’m not sure if you have noticed or not, but the issue of sex and all that goes with it has been making the news lately. In fact, it has been making news now for a few decades and it continue to grow, taking up more and more space and is becoming more and more heated. Some of the more recent news comes as the Vice President’s wife Karen Pence has taken a job at a Christian school teaching art part-time. Being a genuine Christian school, they take a firm stance on sex and sexuality. While the headlines make it all about homosexuality, the school actually takes a stance against all forms of sexual activity outside the bounds of one man to one woman marriage. Thus no pre-marital sex, no extra-marital sex, no pornography usage, no homosexuality, and the list goes on.

I’m not sure if those who are outraged are outraged that Karen Pence who claims to be a born-again Christian is living by her convictions or if they are outraged that anyone would dare have such convictions in the first place. That’s what this article seeks to address, how someone could have such convictions and why someone in this day and age would actually seek to publicly live by those convictions. To understand this reasoning, one must begin with the theology of sex. While I won’t have time to go through every biblical reference to sex, my hope is to at least give a framework toward a biblical theology of sex and sexuality.

  1. Sex is divinely given and enjoyable. It was God who created male and female, and his first command to them was, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it,” (Genesis 1:28). Three major points: 1) God created man and woman. He gave them each their respective body parts that not only made sexual union possible, but enjoyable. He is the one who put sensitive nerve-endings on those body parts. He is the one who put the testosterone and estrogen and dopamine chemicals into our systems. It was not by accident, but by design. 2) God expected man and woman–commanded man and woman–to have lots of babies, of course the only way to make that happen is to have lots of sex. Sex is commanded (at least in the confines of one man and one woman in marriage). 3) While not a popular concept today, sex and children are linked. Until recent history (about 100 years) sex and children were linked together. Today, with contraception and nearly on-demand abortion, such is not the case. But from a biblical perspective they are.
  2. Sex was designed to be without shame. When God brought Eve to Adam, we are told, “And the man and his wife were both naked and were not shamed,” (Genesis 2:25). Sin changed all of that. Once Adam and Eve rebelled against God’s commands, “the eyes of both were opened, and they knew they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths,” (Genesis 3:7). Notice, only loincloths. They didn’t cover their upper bodies, but only their sexual organs. There was now a separation, a distrust, a shame between husband and wife. From this point forward, sex was altered. Sex, in some way, had fallen when Adam and Eve fell.
  3. When sex fell, it began to be used wrongly. This would include forced sex. “When man began to multiply on the face of the land and daughters were born to them, the sons of God saw the daughters of man were attractive and took as their wives any they chose,” (Genesis 6:1). Many would say that the sons of God here are fallen angels, thus taking by force the daughters of man as wives. It would include homosexuality and rape. “But before they lay down, the men of the city, the men of Sodom, both young and old, all the people to the last man, surrounded the house. And they called to Lord, ‘Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us, that we may know them,'” (Genesis 19:4-5). Lot going out to convince them not to commit such an act, offered the alternative: “Let me bring [my virgin daughters] out to you, and do to them as you please,” (Genesis 19:8). There was incest. “Come, let us make our father drink wine, and we will lie with him, that we may preserve offspring from our father,” (Genesis 19:32). There is all the fun without any responsibility. Without going to much detail, Onan was taking his dead brother’s wife as his own so she could have a son by him. “But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his. So whenever he went in to his brother’s wife he would waste the semen on the ground, so as not to give offspring to his brother,” (Genesis 38:9). This is often used by some to speak against masturbation, but in reality, it is having the perks of sex without the responsibility of children. That could include masturbation, but not limited to it. It could simply be having “friends with benefits,” one-night stands, etc.  It includes prostitution and weaponizing sex. Tamar wrapped herself in garments to look like a prostitute, “When Judah saw her, he thought she was a prostitute, for she had covered her face. He turned to her at the roadside and said, ‘Come, let me come in to you,’ for he did not know that she was his daughter-in-law,” (Genesis 38:15-16). Later, he found out that she was pregnant and angry because it would seem that she had extra-marital sex. When he sent word, she used his own staff and signet cord to frame him. Adultery would be included. “And after a time [Joseph’s] master’s wife cast her eyes on Joseph and said, ‘Lie with me,'” (Genesis 39:7). Joseph refused.  All of this is found in the first book of the Bible!!
  4. Laws were made to protect against the fallen-nature of sex. By the time the Israelites got out of Egypt, they had probably seen or heard about all the various sexual practices. Canaan was known for its licentiousness. God intended Israel to be a standard-bearer. They were to be distinct, different than the cultures around them. Thus he set up laws. Without going into every one of these laws, suffice it to say that they dealt with all the practices we see in Genesis and also included bestiality (see Leviticus 18).
  5. Sex is exciting. By the time one gets to the Proverbs one has a pretty good understanding about all the wrongs of sex, but not all the rights and excitement of it. Enter the Song of Songs (Song of Solomon). Here is a poetic expression of what sex is really to be like in marriage. It is fun, exciting, complicated, and enjoyable. There’s honeymoon sex, steamy sex, and even make-up sex right there in one book of the Bible. Christians don’t have a bad view of sex (at least they ought not to); we simply have an elevated view of sex. We want all that it was meant to be, not just what we can eek out.
  6. There is an emphasis on the wrongness of homosexuality, but there is a reason for it. 1) It goes against creation. God created man and woman, one man and one woman. Anything (divorce, extra-marital sex, polygamy, or homosexuality) goes against the created order. 2) Homosexuality actually goes completely in the opposite direction of the created order. While the other sexual sins deviate from the created order and are wrong, homosexuality does a complete U-turn from it (or transgenderism, lesbianism, etc.). This was Paul’s point in Romans: “For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men,” (Romans 1:26-27). For years the homosexual movement has been crying with all its might that this is not their choice; they were born this way. Lately, the transgender and fluid-gender movement has cried that they can be whomever they want to be; thus a choice. This has caused great consternation to their counterparts. Here Paul is speaking of not the choice of feelings, but the choice of actions.
  7. All Christians are called to self-restraint. Part of the teachings of the Bible are that we are to have self-control. It is, in fact, a fruit of the Holy Spirit (see Galatians 5:22-23). Paul wrote to Timothy that God gave us not a spirit of fear but of power and love and self-control. The pastor is to be a man of self-control. Older men are to be self-controlled. Women are to be self-controlled. This self-control is not only in the area of sex, but in all areas of life, yet it does include sex. Hence, there is the prohibition on pre-marital sex, adultery, bestiality, etc. We are to restrain our inclinations, not give in to them. Just as we see a piece of jewelry that we like, but refrain from taking it, so we are to refrain from taking the man or woman simply because we want them.

That being said. . .God has called Christians to a higher standard. As we’ve seen, Christians are the outsiders when it comes to sex. We are in the minority. The fact that this war is recent for us is an anomaly. We are feeling invaded by the sexual revolution, when in reality, Christians are aliens in a world that has been in a sexual revolution since the fall. This was the society with which Corinth, Laodicea, Ephesus, Rome, and just about every other church within Scripture dealt. Christians are meant to be the kooks; we are supposed to look strange to people. We are supposed to believe weird things (let’s not forget that Christians were called atheists until the 3rd century; and that they accused us of cannibalism as well).  But let us also remember that while we may feel like society is crumbling around us (and maybe it is), the society is simply being themselves. This is nothing new (everything we see today, happened in Genesis). We are to love the people. We are to pray for them, but we are not to cast them away.

I wrote to you in my letter not to associate with sexually immoral people–not at all meaning the sexually immoral of this world, or the greedy and swindlers, or idolaters, since then you would need to go out of the world. But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler–not even to eat with such a one. For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. “Purge the evil person from among you.” (1 Corinthians 5:9-12).

Why purge the evil person from among us? Because 1) his sin will catch on like yeast to dough or like fire in California, 2) the church is to be an example of holiness, separation and purity (all types of purity). This is what Karen Pence is seeking to do. She believes the Bible’s doctrine on sexuality, and seeks to live by it (as all Christians are called to do). It ought not shock anyone that she is sticking to her convictions, but in case those people misunderstood the convictions she had, I hopefully have given at least a foundation to them.

I’d love to hear your feedback. Whether you agree or not. This is a hot-button issue, so I simply ask for civility and decency. If I find your comments to be the opposite (even if they’re in agreement with me), I will delete them. If they are civil and decent, even if they oppose my argument, they will remain up.

All Scripture is taken from the ESV published by Crossway Books.

Singleness: Contentment

Over the last couple of weeks, I have been dealing with the gift and calling of singleness. If you haven’t read those articles, I would encourage you to do so before reading this one since they build upon one another.  This week, I am dealing with being content while single.

Having read the other two articles, can you see why there can be great contentment in being single?  The church often sends the message that singleness is a mistake or it is wrong or it is unfulfilling.  The world often sends the message that singleness is the life because you can do whatever you want.  But Scripture says that singleness is a gift of God by his grace, to call you to do that which married folk cannot do.

God may not always call you to singleness.  But if you are single, it is your calling right now.  There may be an aching for someone to go home to at night, to talk with, to snuggle with, to grow old with.  That is fine.  Contentment does not mean that we can’t have longings or desires.  It means that we will receive, accept, even rejoice in God’s will.

Jesus, while in the Garden of Gethsemane prayed three times to have the cup removed from Him, but nevertheless, Thy will be done.  Paul prayed three times for his thorn in the flesh to be removed from him, but it wasn’t.  “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness,” (2 Corinthians 12.9, ESV).  What did Paul say, “For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities.  For when I am weak, then I am strong” (2 Corinthians 12.10, ESV).  He also told the Philippians though that contentment is not simply something that happens automatically, but rather learned in time.  “For I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content,” (Philippians 4.11b, ESV).

Remember, I told you that to be loved by Jesus is better than marriage.  As Sam Allberry said, “Both marriage and singleness point to the gospel. The former reflects its shape, the latter its sufficiency.”  In singleness the gospel of Jesus Christ shows His all-sufficient grace.  Marriage reflects the shape.  It is a picture, a model as Tim Challies has said.  But it is not the real thing.  It is a miniaturized version of what is real.  What is real encompasses not just those who are married, but all who know Christ.  Challies wrote:

When we understand the meaning of marriage, we realize that even if you never marry or are no longer married, you are not missing out on something that is essential to the human experience.

If you are unmarried, you are not missing out on what’s ultimate and, therefore, on what’s essential. It’s no tragedy to miss out on the model. The only tragedy would be to miss out on the real thing. The only tragedy would be for you to miss having that real, living, and ultimate relationship with Jesus Christ.

Before finishing these articles, let me point out a few things:

  1. God has granted single people a gift that he has not given to everyone. Specifically, I am referring to those never married when I say, be happy and honored that he has bestowed such a privilege upon you. To the divorced or widowed, I say: this is not what you wanted; it is not what you asked for.  But God has promised to give his best even if we cannot make heads or tails of why.
  2. Since this is a gift, then we as God’s church ought to celebrate it and not shame it. We ought not to go to one who is single and ask them if they are seeing anyone or when they plan to marry. Let God’s gift and grace be a gift that is enjoyed.  May we not be the ones to strike discontentment into the heart of God’s child.
  3. Singleness is a calling, just like marriage is. They are each unique jobs—vocations—that we are to stay loyal to as long as He calls us to them. For the single: until married.  For the married: until death do us part.  At which point, the callings have been reversed.
  4. The freedom that one has in being single is a God-given freedom for God’s kingdom. You may have freedom of time and/or resources that others simply do not have. Let God utilize that for His kingdom and glory.
  5. Jesus, the fullest and most contented man to live, lived as a single man. Paul, the greatest of the apostles, lived as a single man. Marriage doesn’t fulfill anyone.  Only Christ can.